I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
