This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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