If i come over, it means nothing
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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