I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
