u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
