i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
