I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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