i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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