the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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