well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
