There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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