Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
