He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
