please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
