remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
