one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
