The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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