nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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