Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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