You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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