he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
