so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize