did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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