I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
