I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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