Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
