I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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