Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
