Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
