First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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