i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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