This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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