we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She's the barista slut.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
