I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
