You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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