please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
