This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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