I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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