Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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