This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
