just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
