I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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