This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize