Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
