i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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