I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
