Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
