Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We have so much sex to catch up on
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
