Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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