Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And then he peed in my hair
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