i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
