i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
