Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
