But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
