I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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