my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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