Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
