i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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