having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
