he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
