I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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