so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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