you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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