nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
