It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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