ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
