why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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