Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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