Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
