i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
