it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
