perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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